Monday, July 26, 2010

Avoiding Huis Closian Intimacy

Being for others... a voyeuristic posing in the lens of other-objectification.


  1. Isn't it just a game you play with yourself, to comfort yourself? To avoid intimacy means to avoid pain, or so we think.
    But it also means to miss out of fufillment and beauty.
    Have you considered that it is that very fractured, imperfect humanity that is so very beautiful to the other? That maybe the other doesn't want to objectify you...doesn't want to own you or obtain you?

    Just might be worth cosidering.

  2. One more thing. I am incredibly uncomfortable with the level of ambiguity present. I know that such direct discussion is not your style, so I'll propose this: If you delete these two comments, I'll take that to indicate that you desire for me to not visit this blog. I'll honor that wish.

  3. You are perfectly welcome to visit this blog whenever you wish. Only please be advised I have no desire to be perceived as "ambiguous". If I have something to say, I will say it. And if I'm not saying it, please interpret that to mean that the post is simply a post, and its' probably about something I'm thinking about. In the case of this post, I had just finished listening to the Solomon lecture series on Sartre.

    What had struck me was his account of a boy looking through a keyhole, who was caught in the act, and then was forced to realize that in another person's mind, he was now a voyeur, and there was very little he could do to change this impression in the other person's mind. And so there was a chance that he would now accept the fact that he was a voyeur, and play this "role" throughout the rest of his life. In one brief but unintentional moment, he had metamorphosized from an observer to a voyeur, an object of someone elses thought. And how unfair this was.

  4. It's also about the nature of "being for others" (hell), but also about the possibility of "posing" in the minds of others, creating an impression that one is different than what one is... demonstrating a concern for one's "reputation" vice "character".

  5. ...and in all this, I was thinking about myself, and not anyone else, and how I often "pose" instead of "being" who I am.

  6. Being for others sounds a bit like putting on a persona, which is, to some degree, necessary. I don't see how we can go about our daily lives completely emotionally naked all the time.

    Of course, I think it just as necessary to be naked with someone as often as possible, if nothing else than to push yourself out of that box that is not only too comfortable but also so deadly to all creativity. (The box of avoiding intimacy.)

    However, the further away our true self is from the persona, the bigger our trouble. If we can keep the two fairly close, that's a good thing. Once the persona is completely false....I think we lose sight of who we really are. (I know I have at times.) Plus...that "real" self is bound to pop up whether we want it to or not.

  7. Sadly...we work so hard to build up this image, thinking that's what is attractive...when all along, it's the real self that people want.

    Life is so short, isn't it?

    I've decided that I'd rather suffer the pain of someone leaving me upon seeing my nakedness than to construct an elaborate image in an attempt to keep them around.

  8. Sartre believes that "friendship" consists of not poking at "the others" notions of self, of not freezing them in boxes they don't want to be associated with. I'm not sure how well that play's w/Plato's notion of friendship expounded in his "Lysis". I need to re-read it.

  9. After I thought about it I realized that I do pose. A good bit, I'm sure.

    And just to be clear, anything I say is most likely about myself, just as your posts are about you.

  10. We all pose. This blog is a pose. The girl in the video's "absence" is a pose. We seek "affirmation". We can't help ourselves.

  11. ...but just so you know, your presence is a bit inhibitting. I'm going to continue to post in much the same manner as I always have, I'm not going to change. The parts which are me, and the parts which are "pose" will just have to blend and be left to yourself and others to sort out.

  12. ...although most of my posts will just be me trying to walk around an idea and see it from a few different angles/perspectives.

  13. Why do you leave links to your blog if you find it inhibiting for others to read it?

    Just asking.

    It's humbling to come here at all, considering.

    I personally don't need any more puzzles to figure out, so I'll leave it up to you to decide which parts are truly you and which are poses, although I consider it all you, even if the posed behavior isn't what you'd do behind closed doors.

  14. Why do you leave links to your blog if you find it inhibiting for others to read it?

    I don't leave links directly to this blog. I left a link to one of my "vanilla" blogs, that in turn, has a link here.

    As to "why" leave links or a trail of breadcrumbs at all, well for one, I'm lazy and for another, I'm not a diarist. If someone really wants to know about me, personally, then they're welcome to come here and visit. Besides, I wanted to be somewhere where you could "find me" just in case you needed to confirm any doubts or questions about me for yourself. I wanted you to "know" where I was, because "not knowing" can be sometimes worse than knowing.

    But I must ask, why did you recently restore your blog to your profile? Do you no longer fear I'll read it and post critical comments? Because I'm not going to do that. I have no desire to impose my presence upon you any more than is necessary than for you to know where I am so that you may confront me whenever you feel it necessary to do so.

    As for my identities, I'll continue to post as Joe Conservative, Thersites & Speedy G w/an occasional "anonymous" or -FJ handle. I will not post in your vicinity under any other name w/o your fore-knowledge. I know that nothing I can say will convince you to believe this, but I did want to restate the fact, none the less.

  15. You left a link to this blog on NG's blog.

    Your explanation regarding the links made me smile, truly.

    I restored my blog because I miss sharing my photography, mostly. I don't fear your comments at all. From what I can recall, your truly nasty comments are usually left on blogs other than my own. I don't mind you being critical (in the true sense of the word). Your presence isn't an imposition, in fact. It's welcome.

    I only wish that I could be my true self with you, and be seen for that. But that is my issue to deal with.

  16. Come to think of it, I did leave a recycled post link to here. I'm lazier than I thought.

  17. Okay, here's a confrontation.
    Why do you leave such nasty comments directed at me?
    And please, to say that it's pointed at Thrisites, etc, is really an insult. If you're trying to point out how egocentric I am...let's get to the point. Why do you do that? Why so nasty?

    Secondly, I've never feared you leaving comments on my blog. I have my own reasons for shutting down my blog.
    If you wish to ask why, then ask why.

    Don't you miss the days when we weren't so contentious with one another?

  18. Why do you leave such nasty comments directed at me?

    I haven't a clue as to what you are referring to. I suppose I sometimes out-cute myself w/o the intention of offending.

    If you wish to ask why, then ask why?

    Why did you shut it down? I used to enjoy reading your postings.

    Don't you miss the days when we weren't so contentious with one another?

    Very much.

  19. Why did you shut it down? I used to enjoy reading your postings.

    The reasons I can articulate...
    I was far too self-conscious about what I wrote and who read it.
    I missed the freedom of being anonymous in my writing. As my beliefs change, I want to be able to write about it freely.
    There was a certain blogger in particular that I no longer knew how to resopnd to (not you).

    But I must ask, why don't you comment anymore? You didn't comment for quite some time before it shut down.

    I do have another blog that I feel is more representative of me, probably less posing going on there.

    Don't you miss the days when we weren't so contentious with one another?

    Very much.

    Me too.

  20. But I must ask, why don't you comment anymore? You didn't comment for quite some time before it shut down.

    I suppose I can run a bit hot and cold. I also take up projects every now and again, and sometimes I attract some pretty nasty attention. It is not for "no reason" that I throw away blogs and avoid linking to "other blogs". It also gives me lots of opportunities to "reinvent" myself as my ideas change, something it sounds like you are becoming familiar with yourself.